


The Loss

by AnnaOnTheMoon



Series: Starfleet Academy [11]
Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: F/M, Pregnancy & Loss, Starfleet Academy, wibby wobbly timey wimey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 06:59:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19824925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaOnTheMoon/pseuds/AnnaOnTheMoon
Summary: Beverly collapses in their apartment and finds out she had been pregnant.  Jean-Luc stays by he side as they both think about what might have been.TW: Ectopic pregnancy, baby loss





	The Loss

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Ectopic pregnancy, baby loss

Third year Starfleet Academy cadet Jean-Luc Picard jumped to his feet when he heard a thud followed by a scream coming from his roommates’ room. He rushed in and took in the scared look on Melissa Keel’s face.

“Missy? What’s wrong?”

“Bev....” Missy could only point to her roommate, fellow first year cadet Beverly Howard, lying on the floor in her nightgown. “She came out of the bathroom looking pale and clutching her stomach. Told me she didn’t feel well and felt a little dizzy and then she fainted.” 

Jean-Luc knelt down beside Beverly and checked her pulse. “Pulse is ok. Have you guys been issued tricorders yet?” Missy scoffed.

“Like they’d trust us.” Jean-Luc rolled his eyes and gently rested Beverly’s head in his lap and stroked her hair. 

“There’s a rudementary one in the first aid kit in Walker and my bathroom. Could you please get it?” Missy glanced at the door.

“Where’s Malina?” 

“Studying on the sofa. We were studying Organic Chemistry. I don’t understand why you dislike her so much.”

“Call it best friend loyalty.” Jean-Luc just rolled his eyes and motioned for Missy to go. He continued to stroke Beverly’s face as he thought about the cadet sitting on his sofa and the one in his lap.

When his friend Walker Keel asked if he wanted to move off-campus for their third year, he had agreed, but the two soon found that most one-bedroom places were already taken or incredibly high priced. Walker’s parents said they would contribute towards the rent if they agreed to a roommate - Walker’s younger sister, Missy. Missy needed a roommate to share with, and Walker remembered meeting Beverly Howard at her orientation and suggested they contact her. Beverly had been more than happy to not have to live in the dormitories and moved in a few weeks after the new semester started. 

A few weeks later, Jean-Luc and Beverly went on their first date. They had a fast and passionate relationship for a few months, but Beverly asked if they could put their relationship on hold as the pressures of being a first year cadet were mounting and Jean-Luc had agreed. He and Beverly maintained a close relationship, and as far as many of their friends were concerned, they were still together. Malina Basset was a fellow third year, and Jean-Luc had needed some help with his Organic Chemistry and had asked Malina as she was the top student in the class. He didn’t know where this notion that he was dating Malina had come from, but he definitely _wasn’t_ , though Malina certainty tried. Jean-Luc’s heart still belonged to Beverly. 

Missy returned and passed Jean-Luc the tricorder. “Thanks. It won’t give us many details, but it should help.” He ran the tricorder over Beverly and frowned. “I don’t recognize anything it’s displaying, do you?” He passed the device and Missy took a look. 

“Well, there’s a glowing bit near her abdomen, so....maybe something with her stomach?” 

“Maybe, but why did she faint? I’ll carry her to the infirmary. Can you get me a blanket to wrap her in?” Missy grabbed a blanket off Beverly’s bed and passed it to Jean-Luc. He gently wrapped Beverly in the blanket and lifted her into his arms. Her eyes fluttered briefly.

“Jean-Luc?” He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Shh, you fainted, Sweetheart. I’m going to take you to the infirmary to make sure nothing is wrong. Do you think you can walk?” She shook her head and wrapped her arms around his neck. 

“What if I faint again?” He smiled.

“You just want me to carry you.” She managed a small smirk before closing her eyes and groaning. “Bev?” 

“Sorry. My stomach hurts.”

“Are you going to be sick?” She shook her head. “No, I don’t feel like throwing up. But...try not to shake me too much?” He smiled.

“I’ll do my best.” He carried her out into the living room and Malina looked up. “Sorry, Mal, we’ll have to cut our study session short. Beverly’s not well and I need to get her to the infirmary.” Malina frowned.

“I could wait here?” Jean-Luc shook his head. 

“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea. We might be there all night. I’ll see you in class.” Malina picked up her belongings and glared.

“Well, I guess I know where _we_ stand! Don’t bother calling me,” she said as she stalked out. Beverly pressed her head against Jean-Luc’s shoulder.

“What did she mean?” Jean-Luc frowned.

“I don’t know.” 

“’Kay. Jean-Luc, I’m feeling dizzy again.” 

“Close your eyes. Hopefully it will pass.” Beverly nodded and nuzzled into his shoulder more, her eyes tightly shut as Jean-Luc tried to keep her from jiggling. 

###

The nurse at the infirmary looked down her nose at Jean-Luc who had his hand resting on Beverly’s shoulder. “Are you her partner?” 

“Uh...” Jean-Luc glanced over at Beverly, not knowing what to say. _Was he_?

“Yes,” Beverly reached for his hand, “he is.” Jean-Luc smiled and squeezed her hand. 

“Alright then. I need to ask you a few personal questions....you might not want him around.” Beverly shook her head. 

“No, it’s ok.” The nurse nodded and consulted her PADD.

“Date of last menstrual cycle?” Beverly shrugged.

“I don’t know. It’s always been erratic since I was thirteen. Maybe....” she squinted as she tried to think, “October?” 

The nurse pursed her lips. “I see. Are you on birth control?” 

“Yes. I have an IUD.” 

“Not an implant?” Beverly shook her head. 

“No, the only kind they offered on Caldos was an IUD. When it’s due to come out, I plan on switching to the implant.” 

“And, you?” The nurse looked at Jean-Luc.

“Well, I don’t have an IUD. I don’t even know what that is.” 

“Intrauterine Device.” Jean-Luc glanced at Beverly. 

“Intrauterine...it’s inside your uterus?” Beverly nodded and Jean-Luc raised his eyebrows. 

“Wow.” The nurse’s lips thinned. 

“Are you on the male suppressant?”

“What does that have to do with Beverly? I only started it last month. My father was strict, and I didn’t know it existed until a few months ago. It took months to schedule the appointment with the sex clinic.”

“I see. And are you sexually active? What do you use to prevent pregnancy?” 

“Uh...condoms?” 

“You don’t seem sure.”

“We used condoms and my IUD. Nurse...why are you asking Jean-Luc all these questions? I’m the sick one, not him.” 

“Cadet Howard...you have an ectopic pregnancy.” Beverly’s eyes filled with tears and she clutched Jean-Luc’s hand.

“You’re...pregnant?” Jean-Luc brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. “Oh, Beverly....” The nurse glanced at Beverly and she nodded. 

“I’ll leave you two alone for a bit. Cadet, a doctor will be in to see you to discuss things shortly.” The nurse pulled the curtain around the couple, and Jean-Luc pulled a stool close to the biobed. 

“Beverly...I...” Beverly held up her hand.

“Don’t.” 

“But...we’re having a baby.” She shook her head at him sadly. 

“We’re not. An ectopic pregnancy means the fertilised egg is in my fallopian tube....it...,” She paused to compose herself before reaching for his other hand. “It means the foetus isn’t viable...they’ll have to...remove it.” 

“Can they save it?” Beverly sadly shook her head and Jean-Luc felt the tears roll down his face. 

“Oh, Sweetheart. I....I don’t know what to say. We found out we’ll be parents the same day we find out we aren’t going to...I’m sorry. I...this is my fault, isn’t it?” 

“It’s not your fault. Things just...happen. My IUD failed. The condom failed.” She shifted on the bed and motioned for him to climb on the bio bed next to her. “Hold me?” 

“Of course.” He joined her on the bed and she moved her head onto his chest. 

“Jean-Luc....I’m sorry I got pregnant.” 

“Hey, you just told me it wasn’t my fault. If it’s not mine, it can’t be yours either. Like you said, things happen.” He kissed the top of her head. She threaded their fingers together. 

“What if this _wasn’t_ an ectopic?” 

“You mean, what if you were pregnant and the baby would have been fine?” She nodded against his chest. “Well, I guess if you wanted to...we’d have a baby.” 

“A baby wouldn’t really fit into our plans for Starfleet, though. I mean...we stopped dating because of the pressures of Starfleet Academy. How much pressure would be on us to raise a child and attend the Academy? Or to be officers? I mean...you’ll graduate in a year and a half and I’ll still have two years plus medical school...would it even work?” He shrugged. 

“What would you want to do?” 

“I don’t know. I don’t think I could...terminate...a completely viable pregnancy. I guess it’s good we...” she trailed off and took a deep breath, “don’t have to make that decision now. Jean-Luc....I’m going to ask the doctor to take out the IUD and put in the implant. The implant is more reliable. I don’t want a baby now....maybe...maybe if we still want to be together after medical school?” She looked up at Jean-Luc’s face and he smiled. 

“Does this mean we’re dating again?” 

“Unless you’ve got something going on with Malina?” He snorted.

“Definitely not.”

“Mm, good.” She tilted her head and he kissed her lips gently. “I don’t know how long I’ll have to wait to see the doctor, mind if I take a nap? I think the pain relief is making me sleepy.” 

“No, Sweetheart, you go ahead.”

###

“...and we’ll do our best to save your fallopian tube, but if it’s damaged it will need to be removed. Now, we can replace it with a cloned tube if it comes to that....” The doctor’s voice faded in and out as Jean-Luc looked at Beverly and held her hand. He shook his head when the doctor said his name.

“Sorry, Doctor. I missed part of that?”

“It’s alright, Cadet. I was just saying that Cadet Howard will be sore for a few days and depending on if we need to clone her fallopian tube, you shouldn’t engaged in intercourse for at least two weeks, and if you two wanted to try for a baby again, you will need to wait at least four months, but it can take up to eighteen months.” He nodded, but Beverly blushed. The doctor smiled at the couple. “Cadet Picard, you may wait for Cadet Howard in the waiting room and I’ll have a nurse come get you when she’s out of surgery.”

“Ok. Bev....good luck,” Jean-Luc leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “I’ll be waiting for you.” 

“Jean-Luc? Can you tell Missy what happened?” 

“Sure. I’ll call the apartment while I wait. I doubt she went to bed.” Jean-Luc watched as Beverly was wheeled away into the surgical suite and a kind nurse touched his elbow to bring him into the waiting room. After declining her offer of refreshments, Jean-Luc rested his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands. His shoulders shook as he wept for the child he and Beverly would never get to bring into the world and he wondered about how cruel fate could be to both give them this and then take it away.

He knew Beverly was putting on a brave face. Beverly had to be just as devastated as him, even if a baby would have complicated their lives at this point. He would have asked Beverly to marry him, that he was certain about. He knew she would have protested and said he was only doing it because she was pregnant, but he knew he loved her. He wondered what she would say if he asked her now. He mentally calculated how many more weeks they had left before the annual spring leave and wondered if he could take Beverly away for the weekend instead. He wondered if the Academy would offer time off for bereavement for this. It wasn’t quite like losing a child, but they still had lost something that _could have been_. He made a note to ask the doctor about it, but he thought he might do it while Beverly was sleeping, or perhaps he would go off in search of one of the nurses now to ask.

He returned to the waiting room ten minutes later with the knowledge that the Academy would be placing them both on bereavement leave for one week, during which time they could do whatever they needed to do to feel some sense of closure. Of course, their friends would probably ask where they were - Missy would easily let all of Beverly’s friends know that she had been ill, and the assumption would be made that she was recovering, but Jean-Luc didn’t have that same option. He didn’t know if Beverly wanted to tell Walker what happened, and he wouldn’t tell Walker without her permission. Jean-Luc strode over to a terminal and logged in to send Walker a message that he was being excused from classes to look after Beverly while she recovered, and they might go away for the week. He rubbed the back of his neck and wondered about their living arrangements once they returned. When he and Beverly were dating, they spent alternate nights in each other’s bedrooms. Neither Missy nor Walker seemed to be bothered by it, but Jean-Luc wondered if they should look for a three-bed apartment for the following year so he and Beverly could have a room together... _if_ she wanted to move in with him. 

She said she wanted to be with him again and date him, but had she only been saying that because she was upset about losing the baby? He thought they would have to have a long talk while she recovered.

He tapped at the console again and reserved a small cabin at Balfour Lake for him and Beverly for the week. They had gone there one weekend with some of their friends and camped out in tents, but Beverly had spotted some cabins on the other side of the lake and wondered about staying there for part of the summer. Jean-Luc _hoped_ Beverly would agree to go away with him. He turned off the console and returned to a chair, once again resting his head in his hands. 

He shot up when he realised he hadn’t called Missy, and so he walked back over to the console. Beverly had said to tell Missy what happened, and shock registered on Missy’s face.

 _“Do you think I should come to the infirmary?”_ Jean-Luc shook his head at the screen.

“She’s in surgery now, and the doctor said she’d probably sleep for several hours once she gets out. Why don’t you get some sleep and come by in the morning before classes?” Missy nodded.

_“I’ll bring Bev a change of clothes...should I bring you something, too?”_

“Please. I’m not leaving, even if she’s sleeping.” Missy grinned at her friend.

_“Good. I’ll see you in the morning.”_

“Alright. And Missy? Don’t tell Walker why Beverly is in the infirmary. She didn’t give me permission to tell anyone except for you. I figure you can tell your classmates she’s just ill and recovering.” 

“ _Yeah, I can do that. Ok. I won’t tell Walker anything. Keel out.”_

###

Jean-Luc felt his shoulder being gently shaken by a different nurse. 

“Cadet Picard?” Jean-Luc nodded. “Your girlfriend is out of surgery. Would you like to see her now?” 

“Please,” Jean-Luc rose and straightened his shirt. “Sorry I feel asleep.” 

“It’s two in the morning. I’ll get you a comfortable chair since I’m betting you aren’t going to leave your lovely lady’s side.” 

“Thanks.” 

Beverly was peacefully sleeping when Jean-Luc was brought to her bed. He gently stroked her face and leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead. “I’ll be here when you wake,” he whispered. The doctor smiled as she approached the bed.

“Cadet Picard, Beverly will be fine.” Jean-Luc nodded.

“Thanks, Doctor. Did you have to...?” She nodded.

“We had to remove her left fallopian tube, but we were able to clone one. She’ll have to have another surgery in about two weeks for the transplant.” Jean-Luc must have had a panicked look on his face, because the doctor was quick to reassure. “It’s standard. It’s just how long it takes for the cloned parts to be made. Beverly can resume her normal activities the next day...but you two should wait at least two additional weeks before engaging in intercourse.” Jean-Luc blushed. “Cadet Picard, you don’t need to be embarrassed.”

“If Bev said you could call her Beverly, you can call me Jean-Luc. I’m sorry. I don’t know what Beverly told you before about our...relationship...” The doctor smiled.

“You can call me Astoriana. Beverly told me a little. I understand it was a struggle for you two to balance being in a relationship with the Academy.” Jean-Luc gave Astoriana a wry grin. 

“I nearly failed OChem. But...I do love her.” 

“I can tell. Does she know?” Jean-Luc shook his head.

“No.” Astoriana smirked. 

“You should tell her when she wakes up.” 

“Mm, tell me what?” Jean-Luc was immediately at her side reaching for her hand. “Jean-Luc, you stayed.” 

“Of course I stayed.” Jean-Luc turned towards the doctor. “I thought you said Beverly would be asleep until morning?” 

“The anaesthesia must have worn off. No doubt Beverly will be heading back to sleep, but since you’re awake, mind if I examine you.” Beverly shook her head.

“Did you...” Astoriana gave her a soft smile. 

“We had to remove the fallopian tube, but we’re in the process of cloning a replacement. Tell me, Medical Cadet Howard, how long do we need to wait to implant it?” Beverly scrunched up her face and tried to remember.

“Two weeks?” Astoriana grinned.

“Perfect.” Beverly’s face fell.

“So does this mean I’m stuck here for two weeks?” Jean-Luc stroked her hand.

“No, Sweetheart. The doctor said you can leave in the morning and come back....the Academy gave us a week off for...” he trailed off. Beverly nodded back as her eyes filled with tears. 

“Ok,” she whispered. Jean-Luc moved to sit on the bed with her and glanced back at the doctor, who nodded. Jean-Luc swung his legs over and pulled Beverly against him. “We’ll get through this together.” 

“Promise?” He nodded.

“I booked us a cabin on Balfour Lake for the week if you wanted to get away from campus. Missy will be here in the morning with some clean clothing, but we can replicate whatever we need if you don’t want to go back to the apartment.” 

“Ok.” Astoriana was still at the foot of the bed and Beverly blushed. “Sorry, Doctor.”

“I told you to call me Astoriana, Beverly. After all, we’ll be colleagues soon. And it’s completely understandable. Jean-Luc can even hold you while I run my triorder over you just to make sure everything is ok. Then, I’ll leave you two to get some sleep....and I _won’t_ object if Jean-Luc stays on that bed with you.” 

“Thank you.” Astoriana finished her exam and proclaimed Beverly fine from the surgery and said a nurse would be in in the morning to do a final check on Beverly before releasing her. Beverly thanked the doctor and was already closing her eyes nestled against Jean-Luc’s chest as Astoriana moved back towards her office to enter the information into Beverly’s medical records.

###

Jean-Luc woke up and stretched, but the bed next to him was empty. He frowned, but saw that the door to the balcony was open so he swung his legs over the side of the bed and padded barefoot towards the door. He found Beverly leaning against the railing looking out over the lake still clad in her nightgown. He came up behind her wrapping his arms around her waist and nuzzling her neck.

“Hey,” he whispered.

“Hey. It’s so peaceful out here.” She turned around in his arms and pressed a kiss to his lips. He kissed her back just as fervently.

“Come back to bed.” She shook her head. 

“If I come back to bed, I’m going to want to do something that my body isn’t ready for yet.” Jean-Luc grinned.

“Oh,” he leaned forward and kissed her again. “Then come join me for breakfast. We can go take a walk around the lake after if you’d like.” 

“That sounds like fun.” Beverly moved back into the bedroom and then turned back to look at him. “I’m fine. I mean...I’m not, but...” 

“Yeah, me too.” 

“Jean-Luc, do you think we’ll ever _not_ think about him? Her? Them?” He shook his head and moved to join her in the bedroom so he could wrap her in his arms once more. 

“No, I don’t think we’ll ever forget. Maybe someday....someday we’ll have our second child.” She smiled.

“Jean-Luc, I love you.” 

“I love you, too.”

They giggled their way through a shower, Beverly slipping into the shower while Jean-Luc was soaping up. She grabbed Jean-Luc from behind causing him to jump, but he just indicated for her to get under the spray and he washed her hair for her. Wrapped in thick terry robes, they moved into the small kitchen and gathered a simple breakfast, which they enjoyed out on their little balcony. 

They were partway around the lake holding hands, when Beverly decided she was ready to talk about their loss. 

“Jean-Luc, you’ve been amazing this week and asking me how I felt, but...are _you_ alright?”

“I’m...honestly, Beverly, I don’t know. You were right when you said we weren’t in a position to have a baby, but at the same time, I can’t help but think what he or she might have looked like...” Beverly poked him in the chest.

“You’d ask me to marry, you, I bet.” 

“Probably. But not _just_ because we would have been having a baby. I would have asked you because I love you.” Beverly grinned.

“I would have said yes. I love you, too. But....maybe no marriage proposals until med school, alright?” He grinned back.

“It’s a date.” 

###

“Mom, so you...and Captain Picard almost had a baby? I almost had an older sibling?” Beverly nodded at her fifteen-year-old son. They were about to join the _Enterprise_ at Farpoint Station, and Beverly wanted to tell her son about her past with the Captain. They saw each other regularly over the years, especially after her husband had passed away, but they had concealed their past from her son for long enough. 

“Yes. We never found out if it would have been a boy or a girl...I suspect it might be in my records if it had been far enough along to tell.” Wesley nodded at his mother.

“Mom? Does this mean that Captain Picard is....” Beverly slowly nodded. 

“Yes.” 

###FIN###


End file.
